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| Summers almost at an end hence it is a time to reflect. And for me, i don't know how summery it all felt for me. Summer is usually represented by bbq's and swimming and i didn't do either of those too often. And i've probably seen my friends ( the out-of-town sort) less than i have any previous summer. This summer, proves to me that material things can't make you happy. This is something I've always inheriently known but ya know, I never really got to test it out on a grand a scale as this summer. I got two really cool expensive THINGS. and it's cool and great and all but you know, those kind of things don't really do it for me. Those aren't the things in life that really matter to me. And by having it and experiencing it, it just goes to prove how right i was all along. man i'm tired of being right all the time! haha I haven't done much since the last entry worthy of noting really with a couple of expections. Two weeks ago we made a little road trip out of going to Carthage. It was the first we had been there in bout..4 years. And really, not much has changed, expect for us. I don't know about the other guys but I went there with a different eye. Of course as a kid, you go there lookin' to meet other people, and when i say people i mean girls. and that's really what it was about. and maybe seeing different styles from around the country but thats about it. this time around it was a little different for me. I wish I could say I went for the religious aspect of it all but ahhhh... i can't say that just yet haha. maybe in a couple of years. but this time was really just a chance to soak in the atmosphere. Just take it all in, all that is the vietnamese catholic community. It's a sight to behold and a really wonderful thing, if you have an awareness and an appreciation for it that is. But at the same thing, I can only do so much appreciating because it started to wear me down after a while.
After that we headed out to Lawrence, hang out with our buddies there. With a couple of the girls out of town, it was basically "BOYS NIGHT OUT"! hhaha. I say it for kicks but honestly i think that's a pretty stupid title cuz for guys, isn't your whole life a boys night out? hahah well since there were no girls present, we played a game dave came up with called "truth or...drink" haha we found out alot about each other. some might say...too much? fucking disgust. I am friends with filth! haha they're all liars and deviants! I was glad we played that game. Well maybe because I didn't reveal anything they didn't already know. I'm an open book baby! haha No i like the game cuz it made you tell everyone something you'd never told for fear of being crusified( crew-see-phi-ed, i can't spell that). Well that's not what was cool about the game, what was so great was everyone's reaction to each other. it went like this, SHOCK, DISGUST, and then gradual acceptance upon realization that you're not much better hahah. It was just like hey man, no matter what you did, we're still your friends...but we're gonna give you shit about it haha and its ok cuz you can give us shit too.
theres something about dudes living together that is just.. not a good thing. we got there friday night at about 3 in the morning and by the time we left on sunday afternoon, that place was a disater area. what is it about guys that is just inheriently filthy? did i mention the smell? haha
After that, I had to finish up a presession that was kickin' my ass. whoooaaa im glad im done with that sonofabitch. and once i was done with that, i had the rest of the summer to relax. too bad the "rest of the summer" is about 5 days haha. First day of school is on thursday and friday is my 21st. wow. 21 and i'm as useless as ever haha. I honestly don't know what to expect on my birthday. I hate to make a big deal about myself for any reason really, especially something as undeserving as getting older but at the same time, I'm turning 21, it better fuckin' be a big deal to people dammit. Not to say im more important than anyone else that turned 21 but for something as momentius as this, I want people to care. The thing about me turning 21 is it signals the evolution of our whole group. we are in the 21+ set. We have birthdays throughout the year and its really just kind of a waiting game cuz you can't really go out and enjoy your age priveliges without your friends. Well you can but admit it, it's just all that much better when all your friends are there and you don't have to worry about someone passing for a fake or feeling bad for someone missing out. And then my birthday falls on the first weekend of school so its like a last hooray before we can really see each other again ( holiday season). With all those reasons, and you still aren't excited and down for my birthday, i would be thoroughly offended. With me turning 21, we're bridged another gap and the next one would be us graduating and getting real jobs or... marriage haha whichever happens first i guess. heavy stuff man.
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| Well, I'd say summer's been eventful so far. Nonstop drinking for the first two weeks of summer, even when i had summer class. then it was just class for a bit, of course i had a new toy to keep me occupied. then came my good ol' buddy wreckin' that toy. asshole. then came jersey and the east coast trip. it was a nice getaway and NYC was real cool. it's definitely somewhere i'd like to live for a bit once in my life. there's just so much culture and.. so much.. everything! there's just alot going on there; it was an amazing thing to experience. we came back and then it was just gettin' back to the way of things. honestly, as great as sight seeing and going out and all that is when
you vacay, what's so fun about it is getting to do it with your
friends. my favorite times are actually being in the car or at the
house, just bullshtting with them. as you get older and your lives
drive you farther from each other, how often do you get the chance to
spend the entire week with your friends. I mean, right now, in college, it may not seem like much, but in the very near future, those kinds of things will become more and more infrequent til one day it might just be impossible. so call me sentamential but i appreciate every chance i have being able to bullshit with my friends around the world haha.
then-suddenly- my car was sold off. i didn't even get a chance to say good-bye. i was with that thing for almost 4 years. that was my longest relationship haha. i went through alot of things with it, alot of different girls. and though it wasn't the most reliable car ever ( which was pretty much my fault) but i never hated it. there were times i wanted a new car, for the sake of a new car. but i came to appreciate it and everything it's done for me haha. i had some really great times in that car. as well as terrible times haha. i took it to prom. i took thuy out in it. it was just me and the 'lude on sooo many trips to lawrence. i never had sex in it though =T haha. i remember before i got it and i told everyone i wanted it they said " i can't picture you in a prelude...you belong in that civic hahaha!" fuck off, i got one and it became apart of me. and i was perfectly ok with it. i remember when i first got it, it was a beauty! shiny black on the outside. leathery black on the inside. STICKSHIFT. it was all a 17 year old boy could ask for, esp. one coming off a 4 door silver automatic civic ( not sexy). and now it's gone and i couldn't even say good-bye to it. this is the story of my life.
maybe this is just me getting older and grumpier but i can't stand materialistic people. yea ok, i realize i'm no one to talk but it's different level. i guess theres nothing wrong with being a little materialistic and liking things like that, i mean, everyone's like that. but what i can't stand is when people care about what OTHER people have. i guess my beef is just.. concerning yourself with other people in general. People that have no relevence in your life anyway. Other people seem to be the motavition and sometimes, even the reason, for the things people do or don't do. Why worry about what other people have? why don't you just worry yourself? Honestly sometimes I get caught up in it too and then I'll meet to someone totally not about that and it's so refreshing, talking to someone who's actually about something. Most people are all about other people, what people think, and everything external. And it seems like I'm at the age where my peer group is more about that than ever. And I just love talking to someone...totally removed from that. Someone that has a real goal or purpose or...a totally different perspective of things. It just makes everyone else and what they care about so...trivial. And when i say someone that has a real goal, i don't mean someone who wants to graduate and make lots of money. that doesn't really count to me as a real goal. that's rooted in materialism and that just discredits the whole thing haha. to me, a real goal or purpose is like..a goal to affect change, or at least have the desire to do so. or doing something beyond your self, somethign great, something most people would disagree with haha. unfortunately there is a part of me that is afraid to embrace this fully because of the materialistic side of me. this is when the self-loathing occurs.
To me the most interesting people are the ones that don't have it all together and willingly admit it, that have flaws and accept it. Of course there's a greatness about winning and something compelling about winners, that's a given. But to me, losing gives you character. It's the losers and how they deal with it that's much more interesting to me. and they always seem so much more witty than the winners. I've been on both sides of the fence and of course the winners' circle is much easier and life is "brighter"; the losing end is more...poetically beautiful shall we say? haha There's alot more thinking and analyzing in losing and you usually come out a better, stronger person than when you entered. you gain a perspective of things that you won't otherwise have. and to me, that's just as a valuable as any trophy you could get in the winner's circle.
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| so summer's offically here and kickin'. i knew this would be interesting summer and so far it hasn't dissappointed. i'm taking a pressession class and it is making my life absolutely miserable. 8-12 everyday? and its not a cake class either, its got like.. problems and shit. i can't deal with that kinda stuff man. it's kinda my fault too though, i mean, the night before the first class, i went and got drunk at the stripclub =T haha. the other nights consisted of monopoly, wii, and beer pong. and my fucker friends refuse to leave before 4 haha so as you can guess, the next morning ain't pretty. i come in late and sleep in class. but i'm tryin'. i really am. but i kinda like things like this. keeping myself busy. i've been drunk a little too much though, thurs, sat, and today haha. not cool. my body is not too happy with me. things are ok, though there are some things that i apparently have no control over. i realize you can't win'em all but with this particular thing, i can't seem to win...ever. i made so much progressive too and now it's reverted back to scrap. there's just...nothing i can do. and that makes me wanna gouch my eyes out and skull fuck myself to death. i'm sure that couldn't feel any worse than what this situation is making me feel. but i guess all you can do is keep on keepin' on. big things should be happening this summer: jersey, maybe a road trip with the KU kids, 3 summer classes, a new toy possibly, and turning 21 aaaahhhhhh haha. i don't want a stripper for my birthday, i want a HOOKER haha. no seriously, make it happen.
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| for the first time in a long time, i had a really fun weekend. not only was it fun, but it was something really worthwhile. Me and toan went to vascon with a group from school, initially just as a cheap ticket to Austin to party with Khoa. But really, we didn't end up doing all that much partying. But I came away with something much more worthwhile of a 7 hour carride. Even before actually attending the conference, I was at least mildly interested in seeing what it was all about. I mean, Vietnamese American issues, I could relate to that man. Everyone else thought I was crazy for even thinking it that something like that could be remotely interesting. Well they were wrong like they always are haha. That conference was interesting and then some. It was the kind of thing you leave and you still think about it and everything that was talked about there. When was the last time anything left an impression on me? hahah What was so interesting about that conference was that they talked about things unique to the Vietnamese American experience. I don't think I would've cared nearly as much about it if they had been discussing Asian American issues because that is kind of general. I mean, even though we are Asian, Vietnamese people have their own story. Ours is nothing like that of Chinese or Japanese people. So the issues they were talking about were really hit home for me. Topics like boat people and refugees were something I've always heard discussed in my own household but to hear subjects like that presented to us Vietnamese Americans was so refreshing. I mean you always hear the older generation talk about it and you see videos by Paris by Night or Asia or some first generation-oriented program making documentarys about it. The way they presented it, geared towards us second generation Vietnamese Americans really made me understand and appreciate all that those people went through. "Those people" is actually people you see everyday: your grandparents, mom, dad, uncles, aunts. To think they went through such a harrowing journey, to leave your land and country, come over with nothing and to have everything that they have now is nothing short of amazing. I mean, think about it. If we were forced to leave our country today and made to go to a country where we didnt know a lick of that language, how good would we do? I mean growing up, facts like that are thrown in your face haha but i guess it takes some growing up to realize that. Its something I've actually being starting to realize that for some time now but the conference just reiniterated and reinfored those ideas in me.
There's a new indie flick about boat people out in selected cities. I saw the trailer and honestly, I have to say I was fighting back some tears. You gotta see it to know what im talkin' about. I told a friend about the trailer and she wanted to cry.http://www.journeyfromthefall.com/TrailerSmall.aspx
Aside from all the cultural aspects, I really needed vascon cuz i was really just gettin' bored with everything. bored with wichita and all the lameness that DOESN'T go on around here. and i think im even bored with lawrence. I KNOW RIGHT? haha its just the same thing every time and yea it's nice to hang out with my friends but im not really doing anything worthwhile up there. I mean, im just going out drinkin', goin out drinkin'. and thats just not doin' it for me anymore. alot of times now, i'll just stay home while everyones out drinkin and i really won't feel like im missin out on anything...cuz im really not. its the same thing over and over. the speakers at vascon really impressed me. i thought they were gonna be a bunch of business people, successful this and that. but no, they were really all just artist. Directors, spoken word artist, art dealers, activist. just really random professions like that. Normally when i hear people talk about their careers, i can't really take them seriously cuz i always sense a be of..pretention or.. some sort of dissatifaction with it.. or something. Just something doesn't ring true to me when i hear it. But these people, i didn't get that from them. It was refreshing to see people so passionate about what they do. Not only were they doing things what they want to do but what they were doing was worthwhile, it made a difference, it was meaningful in some way or another. I really wish i could say that about myself. Im really just spacing out through everything i do cuz i don't give a damn about any of it. i don't have passion for what im studying and i don't make a damn bit of differnce serving tables haha. i mean, i really just wanna quit my job and drop out of school and go join the peace corp or something haha. something to make me go to bed at night knowing i did something worthwhile. gettin shitfaced does not count hahah.not like im going through a transformation or anything but its just the things i've been doing for the past few years just aren't doing it for me anymore. i'm in need of something more.
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| since when did valentines day become so unpopular? haha even with people in relationships. i mean, if you're single and bitter on vday i can understand but if you have a someone, why are you still bitter? hahah i realize this is probably the most overrated and senseless holiday of all but...whatever. haha don't take it seriously then, ignore it, but i don't see the sense in hatin' on it you player haters. i think its just kind of an excuse to be corny. though i don't believe in relations (the ones involving myself anyways haha), i can still appreciate the lovey-dovey-ness of it all. seeing people make each other happy isn't the worst thing in the world. the whole flowers and candy bit may be overrated but for some reason it still works for me. i mean, if not for valentine, how often do people buy their loved ones shit like that? i mean, have you ever given a girl flowers? i love the way their face lights up. amazing how a thing so little (albeit expensive as hell on vday) as flowers can mean so much to a girl. its not even the flowers, i don't even think most girls REALLY like flowers, they just die on you anyways haha. its just the thought, it lets them know you appreciate them, and thats not such a bad thing...most of the time haha. and me? though i don't usually like to buy women stuff (it would encourage them haha), i always make an expection for one lady on valentines day: i call her mom. kinda lame, i know haha but "ain't a woman aliveee that can take my momma's place"( that's Tupac by the way haha)
oh and one last thought. vday's one of the few holidays in these first few months of the year, and president's day isn't exactly the sexiest holiday ever haha so appreciate it.
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